Stop Asking Women When They Are Going to Get Pregnant

I think I just unlocked a new level of anxiety that involves my dream from last night and conversations that seem to be coming up more and more frequently.

As I plan my wedding for November, the conversation of children comes around more and more these days. So much so, that it has entered my REM sleep.

As of late, it seems that whenever I speak to a family member, I get bombarded with the same questions.

“So, when is the baby coming?”

“Are you guys going to start trying right after the wedding?”

“When are you going to make me a grandpa, auntie, etc.?”

The pressure of being a mother in the future is a pressure that I’m not used to. Quite frankly, I’m terrified to be a mother. Some women are born ready, but I am not one of those women.

Here is where my dream comes in.

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Last night, I dreamt that I was pregnant doing yoga (what?) and I was really stressed out about how large my stomach was and I was anxious the entire dream that something was wrong with the baby.

I woke up and realized that I have a few gripes about people in my life asking me about having children.

First of all, I understand that it’s an exciting time for every family member involved, but it’s important to remember that a woman should not be expected to waltz into motherhood at a certain point in her life. I want children, but what if I didn’t? I shouldn't have to feel like any less of a married woman or feel like I’m letting my family down with that decision.

Second of all, all of the baby questions make me feel like I’m merely a bookmark in my own story, as if everyone is skimming over the chapter of “Ross and Maddie Get Married” and skipping to the chapter called “Ross and Maddie Become Parents.”

Becoming a parent is not something I take lightly, and the pressure that people (I’m sure unintentionally) put on me is taking away from the magic of living day to day and letting that next chapter happen on its own.

If you are at that stage of life that I’m at, find comfort in knowing that you’re not alone. If you’re nervous like me, that’s okay and it’s normal. And when people start bringing up the arrival of a baby that doesn’t even exist yet, tell them what I started telling my family: when I know, you’ll know.

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.