I’ve Accidentally Been Wearing Women’s Perfume for a Year

Let me start by saying that my life has always had a touch of comedy. But this recent blunder? It takes the cake.

For the past year, I’ve been proudly spritzing on what I thought was an expensive men’s cologne. It turns out, I’ve been soaking myself in women’s perfume. Yep, you read that right.

Let me backtrack a bit. Around eight or 10 years ago, my best friend John gifted me a fancy fragrance sample pack from the high-end brand Bvlgari. It was called the Omnia & Aqva Iconic Miniature Collection, which sounds fancy enough to scream “for men,” right? Well, the set included seven fragrances, each with its own sleek, colorful bottle. The price tag alone, $180, convinced me I was dousing myself in pure luxury.

Fast forward to last week at a wedding. The groom commented on my scent, calling it enticing. My confidence shot through the roof. Here I am, thinking I’ve been rocking this irresistible men’s cologne for months, and even the groom was impressed.

Feeling smug, I asked my wife if she’d noticed anything different about me — maybe a new fragrance, a bit of mystery in the air. Her response?

“It’s OK, but you smell like a woman.”

Wait, what?

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Cue the panic and a Google search. Well, the Omnia & Aqva set was actually for both men and women, but here’s the kicker — three of the fragrances were men’s cologne. The other four were perfumes. Guess which ones I’d been wearing?

As much as I want to blame John for possibly regifting a half-used, confusingly labeled set, I’ve got to own up to it. I never once thought to read the labels. I figured, hey, it’s Bvlgari, it’s expensive, what could go wrong? Well, apparently a lot.

Moral of the story? Always do your homework when it comes to fragrances or you might just end up smelling like a flower bed at a wedding and have your confidence crushed by your wife’s brutally honest feedback.

So, here's to the year I unknowingly smelled like a woman. Now excuse me while I bury my self-esteem somewhere around my ankles.