Confession: I Hold Grudges And Can’t ‘Let It Go’

I talked about something on the air today that I rarely ever talk about, with anyone.

I have a habit of holding grudges for a long time, and I don't know how to let go. I am not a very forgiving person, I don't know why, but I've just always been that way. I started telling Michael and Larry a story off the air today about my friend Chris who watched my cats for me last week while I was on vacation.

I've known Chris since Elementary school, and I recalled a time when we were in the 1st grade together, and we had a little kid crush on one another. It was cute! We used to write little notes to each other and pass them back and forth, innocently of course, we were 6 and didn't know any better. Well, our teacher saw what we were doing and to teach us a lesson, she grabbed the notes and read them aloud to the class. I was absolutely mortified. The entire class laughed at us. It was awful, and I will never forget it. I told my Mom what happened after school that day, and she went in and ripped that teacher apart, forcing her to apologize to me, which she did.

The thing is, to this day, 27 years later, I still don't forgive her. I don't know why, I never think about her. It doesn't affect my life, but if I do think about it, I think negatively toward her. Part of the reason is because even at 6 years old, I didn't think her apology was sincere. I know she only did it because my mother made her. Even at age 6, I knew reading an innocent note between two little kids, to embarrass them in an attempt to teach a lesson, is wrong.

But why in the world am I still upset by this?! The guys say I should let it go, and I totally agree, but how?! I do this often, this is just one example. I don't forgive ex-boyfriends that treated me badly. I don't forgive ex-friends that I no longer talk to. I don't think I forgive anyone and I can't remember a time where I haven't been this way.

Am I the only one? What can I do to try to stop holding grudges and keeping all this bad stress around? I know it can't be healthy for me, and it's certainly not hurting the other person, since they probably don't even know!