The Whole Cape Is Going Insane, Except For THIS Town

Let's face it, you've got to be a little bit nuts to live on Cape Cod.

I don't mean that in a bad way, it's just that it takes a unique breed to deal with the stress of being a Cape resident, especially in the summer--dealing with tourists, having it take an extra 45 minutes just to run to the grocery store down the street and don't even think about visiting the mainland on a Friday, because you're not getting home until around dinner time on Sunday.

But the entire Cape has gone "insane" over the upcoming Insane Inflatable 5K, as sign-ups have come Cape-wide for the August 22 race that is unlike any other.

That is, except for one town. Nobody from Osterville has signed up for the Insane Inflatable 5K...and I can't figure out why.

A real estate website has some statistical information about Osterville, and it may offer a little insight. The median age of an Osterville resident is 52.29 years old, so maybe Osterville is full of some older residents that prefer their 5Ks to be a little less insane and a whole lot less inflatable.

But what other reasons might there be for Ostervillians (now that can't be right, can it?) not to take part?

According to TripAdvisor, the top 5 things to do in Osterville have to do with antiques, history, stand-up paddleboarding and getting a massage. Is the high-stakes world of antiquing really so cutthroat that missing one day could have that much of an impact? Is August 22 a particularly important day in the world of stand-up paddleboarding? And as for massages--well, they'd make a great reward after completing the Insane Inflatable 5K.

No, I've come to the conclusion that the reason why no Osterville residents have signed up for the race all comes down to one simple thing: they're scared. They're not scared of competing, they're not scared of running and jumping and having a blast on the inflatable obstacles.

They're afraid that if they leave their beautiful town, with its picturesque ocean views, marshlands and crisp salt air, they'll come back to find it overrun with tourists. The tourists will literally take over, plant a flag and claim Osterville as "New Brookline."

That's got to be it, right? And if that's the case, then soldier on, Osterville. Defend your town. Put out the call for the Marshland Militia to patrol your streets in their uniform of shorts and sandals, bearing golf clubs, tennis rackets and fishing poles to ward off any attempts by the tourists to stage a coup.

But if that's not it, then what are you waiting for?