Dog DNA Test Comes Back Full of Bull

What a surprise, I'm thoroughly disappointed—again.

I purchased a DNA test for dogs online called Embark and low and behold, it put a hole in my wallet. Basically, it's like Ancesty.com or 23AndMe.com, except for your pet dog. Just like the human test, I swabbed the inner cheek of my dog's mouth and mailed it back to Embark's cooperate laboratory. Supposedly, the results will determine the breed, health, and ancestry of my dog, just by sending a saliva sample.

Oh, and did I mention it cost over $200?

Weeks had passed since my girlfriend and I had mailed in the swab sample of our dog, Jameson, and we still didn't hear back from the company. We checked frivolously on the daily for the email and it felt like forever for Embark to get back to us.

Finally, I received a text from my girlfriend and right away I could sense the disappointment. For months, we were convinced that Jameson was a Weimaraner, but apparently, we both couldn't have been more wrong:

Pit Bull? Seriously? I mean, it's clear as day that this dog is not a Pit Bull, but Embark tells us differently:

Simply take a good look at our dog and tell me if you see any of those traits in Jameson. Honestly though, Chow Chow? German Shepard? Where's the Weim?

If anything, we knew he wasn't a full-bred Weimaraner, perhaps a mix of brown lab or even hound, but these results shocked us. I've never in my life been more convinced of scam like Embark.

Just like Ancestry.com told me I wasn't Portuguese (which I still don't believe), there's no way I'm believing Embark. The conspiracy plot is thickening, Big Brother is not only getting our DNA, but now our own pets DNA.

Is anything sacred anymore?

What a waste.