One day I'm going to look back on 2020 and remember it as the year the stores ran dry of toilet paper.

With the increasing mass hysteria over COVID-19, I'm starting to see the true colors of society. Doctors and infectious disease specialists are simply telling people to wash their hands and to avoid spreading germs and for some odd reason, this translated into "oh no, we need to stockpile and load up on toilet paper," as if the apocalypse was upon us.

If you want to get medically serious for a moment, the coronavirus doesn't exactly play a role in your bowel movements outside of a small case of diarrhea here and there, mostly in children who have contracted the virus. So why are people so extra dramatic with buying out grocery stores and markets of their toilet paper stock?

Something just doesn't add up, but I'm still trying to make plans on what to do if it's a good while before I can find toilet paper on the store shelves again.

Bottom problem alternatives:

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Flushable Wipes: Yes, they may be a bit more expensive than normal toilet paper, but with the prices getting jacked up on normal bath tissue, you're better off getting the good stuff that wipes and cleans at the same time.

Gazelle/Townsquare Media

Tissues: Now, before you start yelling and coming after me with pitchforks and fire, yes, I am fully aware that tissues are somewhat harmful towards your septic system, but if you're desperate and that's the only product lying around, then you'll just have to do what you have to do.


Cups: I know what you're thinking: "What does a cup have to do with anything and how is it going to help me in the restroom?" Answer: for a couple of years I lived on Hampton Beach with three roommates who were all from Egypt. There was never any toilet paper in the bathroom (I had to hoard my own) but there was always a cup. If you can picture what a bidet's main function is, that's what this cup is for. Simply fill it with water and the rest is up to your imagination.

You see? There's no need to panic when there are other ways to clean yourself. Like I said earlier, whenever there's a problem for your bottom, try to think outside of the box.

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