Massachusetts 7-Eleven Stores Dodge Hot Dog Sparkling Water

Phew. It's not real. At least not yet.

When 7-Eleven issued an official press release in late March promising "hot dog sparkling water," we didn't know what to think. Certainly, Massachusetts and Rhode Island didn't ask for such a thing. We're pretty sure the rest of the country didn't either.

The tipoff should have been that the convenience store chain promised more details would come April 1. That would be April Fools' Day.

Well, as promised, more details indeed came:

We admit that we created a limited supply of 7-Select Big Bite Hot Dog Sparkling Water as a joke, but it sounds like there might be more people out there than we anticipated who want to see our Big Bite Hot Dogs as a beverage. If you or someone you know supports Big Bite Hot Dog Sparkling Water, make yourselves known and we’ll see what we can do!

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The original release came with a convincing photo of someone holding a can of said hot dog water. Apparently that was real, not some AI-generated image, considering 7-Eleven claims it really did make a limited batch of the stuff. Unless that was an April Fools' Day joke inside an April Fools' Day joke.

It also sounds like if there's enough demand out there, the company might very well make hot dog water a reality.

I honestly threw up in my mouth a little just hearing about the possibility. Yes, I think we have all had at least one of 7-Eleven's Big Bite Hot Dogs, but do we really want to drink one? If they were to really sell this drink, would it be made in-house at each 7-Eleven location with the water left over from the hot dogs it sells?

Another tipoff this was a joke? The chain said it had to accouterments to go along with the water including relish, mustard and ketchup.

7-Eleven used the joke as as opportunity to promote its already existing line of refreshments known as 7-Select. The other flavors in this sparkling water dream team seem fairly normal: lemon lime, green apple and sweet orange.

"7-Select products are known and loved by our customers as high quality, innovative products at a great value,” Nikki Boyers, vice president of private brands at 7-Eleven, said in what's believed to be a moment of sincerity. “The 7-Select sparkling waters are the latest example of this and we can’t wait to hear what our customers think of these fun, colorful flavors.”

You'll never catch me taking a single sip of hot dog sparkling water, although maybe I could be bought.

Otherwise, it's a hard pass from me. I'll have my hot dogs on the grill, thank you very much.