I Believe My Wife Has Been Secretly Doing This for Years

Do you ever see a picture and wonder, Where the heck did that shirt go? Since I started visiting my Facebook memories tab every morning about a year or two ago, it has become a regular occurrence.

Shirts, sweatshirts, pants, shoes – you name it. They have all come up missing, and I have reason to believe I am living with the prime suspect.

There seems to be one common denominator when it comes to my missing clothing: they seem to all be colorful items. I can think of two shirts right off the bat that have mysteriously disappeared since last summer: a light purple polo shirt and a teal polo shirt. This is the perfect time of year to wear them, but they are M.I.A.

My gut is that my wife is going through my closet and tossing the items she hates to see me wearing. They tend to be the bolder items in my collection.

"Look at this picture," my wife will say. "It's such a nice photo, but then here you come with that loud Syracuse Orange sweatshirt."

I mean, she's not wrong, but you have to understand that part of the allure to rocking a Syracuse sweatshirt is going with the obnoxiously orange color with blue-and-white lettering. You could always go with a navy blue sweatshirt with orange and white lettering, but what fun would that be?

I am keeping a close eye on that Syracuse sweatshirt. If this one disappears, I'm calling the police.