I must have this job. It's non-negotiable.

I'd love to work in the NFL, but I'm definitely not at all capable of holding down any job on any team. Well, maybe I could play for the Browns, but no one wants to do that.

There is hope though! According to totalprosports.com, there's a job where you just go to NFL practices. That's not an exaggeration. You just go watch NFL practices so the ratings of players can be adjusted in the popular Madden video game.

It doesn't look like it's too tough of a job. Every picture I've seen of the Madden adjusters shows them looking like average guys in flip flops and a T-shirt that says "Madden Ratings Performance Adjuster."

WHERE. DO. I. SIGN. UP.