A Phrase I Need To Stop Saying
Have you ever read an article someone wrote and thought, “Oh my god, I do that too!” I had one of those moments this morning and it made me wonder just how many women might be guilty of this.
Ani Vrabel, deputy blog editor at the Huffington Post wrote about a word she says waaaay too often and I too am very guilty of this.
Ani lamented about her overuse (and misuse) of “I’m Sorry” and I’m sorry to say I’m right there with her. (I may even type it too often!)
As Ani pointed out there has been report after report showing that women apologize a lot more than men do. And more often than not they are apologizing for something they have no control over in the first place or misusing the “I’m sorry” to replace an “excuse me” or “I have a question.”
"My “I’m sorrys” might be out of control."I am completely guilty of this. I apologize for things that have nothing to do with me all the time. Saying “I’m sorry” when someone is having a bad day. Using “I’m sorry” to start a question, like needing to know something is a huge inconvenience to someone else.
It’s weird when I stop and think about just how often I do this. And I’ll bet I can’t even think of all the times it happens because its such a reflex now. “I’m sorry” is clearly my go to saying and I know it must be annoying to others.
In fact I can remember my fiance telling me once to stop apologizing so much. I’m sure I was using “I’m sorry” to lament about a bad day he had at work or even stupider, I probably apologized for getting the wrong kind of chips or something dumb like that. Something I probably wasn’t even actually sorry about (I mean c’mon, he’s a guy…he’ll eat whatever chips are in front of him right?) and something he probably wasn’t even upset about. An offhand comment about something I do that someone else would do differently even makes me apologize for my way of doing things.
My “I’m sorrys” might be out of control.
So how do I get them in control?
Apparently it comes down to being more assertive. Apologizing is a reflex women go to in an uncomfortable situation when they don’t know what else to say. So you need to say what you want to say instead of “I’m Sorry.”
Ani says she just tried to be hyper-aware of when and how she was using her “I’m sorrys” for a few days and thought about what she really wanted to be saying in those situations. That way she could have that new go to response that was less timid and more direct for the next time the situation came up.
Sounds like as good a place to start as any, so even though we’re three months into the new year, I’m going to try and resolve to eliminate unnecessary “I’m sorrys” from my vocabulary and I’m fairly certain I won’t be sorry when they’re gone!